ALL I WANTED WAS AN EGG SANDWICH

Hello friends,
Tonight I am going to share one of my most embarrassing moments,
something that actually happened to me.
It was, I believe, a year or so ago.
It all started with me wanting to make an egg sandwich.
Simple, huh?

Not really.
It was after midnight when I decided to go to the 24 hr
Walmart in the closest big city, to pick up some Kitchen staples.

Not the kind that go in the staple gun, silly, you know milk, eggs,
bread, Cat food...Chocolate.

On the way back home. I was toodlin' down the road when I realized I didn't know where I was.
I had missed my ramp and was on a little 2 lane country road, in the middle of 'I shouldn't be out here alone' road , hair-pin curves and all. The fog was rolling heavy and boy it is dark in the hollers of Kentucky. I am drivin' and lookin' and lookin' and drivin' all of a sudden right in my path in the road, there were several pairs of eyes lookin' back at me.
It was a pack of raccoons,
little baby raccoons.

I slammed on the brakes so I wouldn't hit them
and all my groceries went flying!

I decided to throw them some bread or maybe some cat food,
I know, I know.
But they were babies and soooo cute!
And where was their momma? I was trying to find a safe place to pull over.

'Bout that time a Car came up over the hill towards me with their bright lites on and blinded me so... I decided I had better not stop, the road was too narrow and slippery. I went on for a while and the fog got heavier and the inside of the car window fogged up, I could hardly see.
I tried to slow down and wipe off the window.

No towels.
No kleenex.
Nothing.

Well, I decided I would just use my bra, I had to clean off that inside window somehow.
I was having trouble seeing the road. I had only seen 1 sign on the road and I couldn't make it out. I passed a lil gravel road. Slowed down and backed into it, just far enough where I wouldn't be seen from the road. I had my bra unhooked when I glanced around and realized I was in a cemetery. Not a city kind of cemetery, mind you, but a country one. No lights AT ALL and those old tombstones that are covered with moss and leanin forwards a little.
That fog just hung over those tombstones.
Gave me the creeps.

I started singing "When the roll is called up Yonder" just to calm myself down. I was singing at the top of my lungs, I tell you. You can bet that all the dogs in that county were howling up a storm, as I could carry a truck before I could carry a tune.
I about had my bra off when I looked in my rearview mirror.
I saw 2 people walking through the fog, walking TOWARDS me!

I immediately thought of that old movie, "Night of the Living Dead".
I panicked!

Why would anybody be in a cemetery, in the middle of nowhere at 1:30 in the morning?
I floored it.
ACKKKK!!
I still had it in reverse, gravel went flyin everywhere... they ducked and jumped back, in the fog it looked like they were doin a ballet leap or something. I got it in gear and floored it again, gravel was flyin and I realized I was still singing. Just as I was turning the steering wheel I felt something on my hand. Looked down...

A SPIDER...
Oh Lord How I HATE & fear spiders.
I flipped him in the seat and grabbed up one of my Walmart bags and pummelled him while I was makin the turn to get out of there.

Then it hit me, just turn on the wipers,
the moisture was on the OUTSIDE of the windshield.

Well, long story long,
I finally made it to a Shell station and got directions on how to get home.
I was exhausted and my throat hurt from singing so loud and I realized two things...

1) My bra was hanging, from one shoulder, down and out the back of my shirt.
2) The bag I flailed around to kill that spider had my eggs in it.
*sigh*
Now,
you see why I don't get out much.

My Honey just shakes his head and trys really hard not to grin as I relate these things that happen to me. You can see his lip quiver as he trys not to burst out laffing, then his voice starts to quiver, he starts biting on that lip and he says um, I'm so sorry you uh ....
bout that time he busts out laughing.

I broke all the eggs but one,
so I at lease I got my egg sandwich...





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